Fire

Smoldering intensity unchecked by the smothering imminence of you
Red hot skin burning the prints from my fingertips
Distorting my identity and erasing all reality.
You are the only man I will ever love.
Caressing tenderly my cheek, my body, the fragile pieces of my broken psyche
Slowly mending me from inside out with practiced delicacy
Until I feel human again and the icy throne I sat upon melts away and I fall into your arms.
I fell in love from day one.
Laughing gleefully at shared jokes and your endless gaiety
Humor filled goodness leeching into the dark
Dragging me from the ledge of my depression.
You gave me a life again.
Hungry eyes starving for the sight of you never satiated no matter how long
Longing for your touch the way you stroked my hair in the blackness of the night
The way you held my hand during car rides.
You ignite the tender of my heart.

I Needed You Today

Today was hard. I wish every letter or poem I wrote to you could be full of encouragement and hope for the day you come home and most days I do feel those things. But not today. Today I cried. Today I broke down. Today I was weak. Today I needed you.
Our daughter is teething and the rice cereal the doctor recommended gave her gas. She fought sleep, she refused to breastfeed, I felt like a failure of a mother. I thought, if only you were home, maybe something you would have done could have helped her.
I always believed you would be a better parent than me. And now you are thousands of miles away, the more nurturing of the two of us, and I am the one solo parenting. I don’t know what I’m doing but I do it because there is no alternative. Our daughter needs me to forge on. So I push past the tears, the stress, the doubt, the loneliness and I find myself at the close of yet another day without you by my side.
I am tired today. My back aches from rocking her for hours. My head is pounding from the screaming. And my heart is heavy with the awakened ache for my partner, my help mate, my refuge.
Today I failed you, this deployment, and our daughter. But tomorrow is a new day and I will try, try, and try to do better, to be the strong woman you both need me to be. Because I know a strong support system at home can keep you safe.
I miss you a thousand times over. I just can’t wait until you are home again.
A Soldier’s Wife